Developing Self-Reflection Skills
Self-reflection skills help you balance who you are now with who you want to be.
“Truly knowing one’s self gives you a lot of power and sense of calmness when tackling everyday life. When you have a strong sense of self and truly know your values, you shouldn’t hesitate when going to make a decision. The answer should be clear to you.” minimalismmadesimple.com
This webinar recording is also available on your favourite podcast service through the Neil Wilkins Podcast, where you can also subscribe to listen to other similar episodes.
“Self-reflection is the ability to witness and evaluate our own cognitive, emotional, and behavioural processes. In psychology, other terms used for this self-observation include ‘reflective awareness’, and ‘reflective consciousness’, which originate from the work of William James”
William James Theory says, “Psychology is the study of the causes, conditions, and immediate consequences. so far as these can be ascertained, of states of consciousness.”
The start of ego and self esteem
“The term self-esteem is used to describe a person’s overall subjective sense of personal worth or value.” verywellmind.com
“Self-esteem is how we value and perceive ourselves. It’s based on our opinions and beliefs about ourselves.” mind.org.uk
“Healthy ego allows us to genuinely appreciate our strengths, accept our imperfections, and love ourselves unconditionally.” coach campus.com
Getting to know your mind
Your mind is made of three parts: Id, Ego and Superego
Id – primitive unconscious mind designed for basic motivations and urges and satisfying the pleasure principle, without social constraints
Ego – subconscious reality principle, making decisions based on a social, voice of reason
Superego – conscious, idealistic conscience, based on socially what you ‘should’ do, to seek perfection
“Self-reflection builds upon the benefits of being empathic, self-aware and communicating clearly – clarity, focus and confident decision making”
Building upon why things happen to and around us
You are already doing it : “Richard Lazarus’ Theory states that a thought must come before any emotion or physiological arousal. In other words, you must first think about your situation before you can experience an emotion.” Allpsych.com
Have you tried talking to yourself, out loud? When someone says, ‘listen to yourself’, they are giving you great advice!
Reflecting on Choices
“There is a consequence for each and every choice you make, no matter how large or small”
“Empowerment comes from realisation of the values, filters and information you use to make your decisions. Are you happy with that?”
“All decisions are based on either love or fear”
Reflecting on Behaviours
Chaos Theory “The Butterfly Effect: This effect grants the power to cause a hurricane in China to a butterfly flapping its wings in New Mexico. It may take a very long time, but the connection is real. If the butterfly had not flapped its wings at just the right point in space/time, the hurricane would not have happened.” fractalfoundation.org
Newton’s Third Law – “For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. In other words, you get what you give, to others and to yourself”
“The skill to practice, is momentary reflection. A short pause before every action to consider if it is true, necessary and kind.”
“When using true self-reflection skills, there are no strengths and weaknesses. There is just what there is and you are just who you are. But we are social creatures, so we can turn our capabilities into competencies and continuously learn, to add more value to the world around us.”
Techniques for self-reflection
Identify your preferred learning style: audio, visual, kinaesthetic
Introvert preference – inward reflecting thoughts and feelings – go it alone
Extravert preference – outward sharing of thoughts and feelings – find a trusted other
Cognitive Behavioural Self Therapy –
– Identify challenging situations that seem to deflate your self esteem
– Focus on your thoughts about the situations and your story telling
are these thoughts true? if you wouldn’t say them to another, don’t say them to yourself
are your thoughts based on facts or feelings?
– Now replace the negative story telling with accurate, constructive thoughts
– Be kind to yourself, forgive yourself, avoid ‘should’, rephrase unhelpful language
– How do you feel in your body in these situations? where do you feel these feelings?
– Where do you intuitively want to start? thoughts, feelings or behaviours
“Begin to meditate and by simply sitting quietly with yourself, notice how your thoughts wander in your mind… but what about your heart. You can listen to your heart too.”
Sit with gratitude and identify WHY you are grateful for certain things.
Building consistent daily habits with your self-reflection skills
– Take time out and away from the day-to-day, every day
– Keep a personal learning journal and review it as though coaching another person
– Work with your strengths and surround yourself with others who can cover your weaknesses
– Always use the filter, “Is it kind true, is it necessary, is it kind?” in self reflection and communication with others
Remember, “Self-reflection is, quite simply, remembering at every moment, to be present in that moment.”
For personal mentoring and 1-2-1 appointments via Zoom, contact Neil.